you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
