Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
