I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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