ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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