I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
