I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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