getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
