he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
