I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I touched a dick in church today
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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