If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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