dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The air was thick with penises
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
