We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I need help removing her.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
