Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
