sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
