my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
