there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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