this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
