Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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