she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
