I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
