bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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