the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, beer. Big fan.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
