apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
