Buhtt sex?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
