So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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