I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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