Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
