R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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