It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
