see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
