loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Randomize
