I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
