Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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