He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
