who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
