Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
