is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
