I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
