WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
