Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
