are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
