just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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