I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
