Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My balls are so social today.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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