it was like his penis was on wheels.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
