Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
