You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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