when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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