I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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