Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
