I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
