and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
