Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
