You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
