Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
