Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
