i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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