Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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