as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
