he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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