We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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