My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
