Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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