i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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