Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
