Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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