We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize