Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
