where does the pee come out of this thing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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