I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize