I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
