ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
