Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ttyl tear gas
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
