Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
