Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
