I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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