i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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